Exploring Gender Dysphoria and Self-Discovery in Honey Lauren’s “Mistake”

Have you come across a movie that touched upon the trials and tribulations of gender dysphoria and identity? Of course, you have. The critically-acclaimed 1999 film Boy’s Don’t Cry or the 2023 film Priscilla are obvious examples that come to mind. But what often goes unnoticed is the struggles of individuals born with late-onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia, better known as intersexuality. Fortunately, writer and director Honey Lauren’s first feature-length film, Mistake, helps fill that void.

Larry Benson (played by Dominic Bogart) is born intersex and is chosen by his parents, Paul (played by Matt Bogart) and Edna (played by Kay Lenz), to live as a boy. Many years pass, and Larry is now an adult. He injects testosterone into his leg every morning before carrying on with his daily life. But even in adulthood, he still struggles with his gender identity. Despite his masculine dress code, he loves modeling in women’s clothing. In fact, he has a knack for fashion and makeup, going as far as even improving clothing choices for magazine models. This internal struggle is also the source of his insecurity, which manifests itself in angry and violent outbursts (influenced by the testosterone injections) when he’s made fun of by other men.

The testosterone shots Larry injects into himself are a clear metaphor for the patriarchal barrier his father inflicts upon him. He is expected to live as a boy, to fix cars, ride motorcycles, and drink beer. And Larry does just that. But at the same time, we also see that he’s not happy living as a stereotypical red-blooded man. He often has this dead look in his eyes, he gets into unnecessary fights, and he feels like he can never truly live free from the shadow of his father and society’s expectations of what a man should be. This is a prevalent issue amongst young men today, even those born with regular genitalia. They often feel the need to prove their masculinity in unhealthy ways, be it either through sports, fighting, intimidation, or the ability to sleep with as many women as possible. However, this only leads them to leading a life of loneliness, bitterness, and resentment.

But what makes Larry’s life even more challenging is his environment. Larry didn’t grow up in a modern-day New York or L.A. He was born and raised in the American Deep South during 1971. If you thought being a member of the LGBTQ+ community was difficult in the Deep South today, it was a different nightmare back then, when the fear of communism was on the rise. Larry tried to enlist in the U.S. Army but failed due to being intersex. And he has to constantly watch his back everywhere he goes, especially when using the bathroom. Many of you may know America’s racist segregation laws that prohibited Black people from going to the same schools as white folks. But what many don’t know is that LGBTQ+ people were treated even worse than people of color. You could’ve been killed or institutionalized, where you’d face endless torment from the corrupt doctors and nurses simply for existing. This mistreatment didn’t stop when institutions closed. In fact, many members of the LGBTQ+ community still face mistreatment as recent as 2022, with 50% experiencing violence and up to 36% being denied healthcare or housing.

Despite every challenge life throws Larry’s way, he still has a couple of people who deeply care for him: his Aunt Peggy (played by Honey Lauren) and his girlfriend, Lilly Willets (played by Jiji Hise). Lilly and Larry were childhood friends who bonded over their own mutual struggles. Lilly is intellectually challenged and cannot read or write. But it’s her disability that allows her to truly see and understand Larry, where most people around them are unable to. While just about everyone in their small town only looks at Lilly with pity, to Larry, she’s the most beautiful girl in the entire world. And despite her initial shock at Larry’s intersexuality, Aunt Peggy helps Larry foster a love for fashion, giving him a brief window of freedom from the testosterone injections, the local jeers, and his father’s deep fear and resentment of his true self. She also understands that Larry will never be accepted for who he truly is in the Deep South and begs him to come to California with her, where he can truly be who he is. In many ways, she feels more like a mother to him than even his own mother. The same can be said for Lilly, who also loves him unconditionally, regardless of his intersexuality, especially when she delivers the line that “some babies be born so special; God himself has trouble trying to decide.”

This leads me to the acting. Every cast member plays their parts like second nature. I’m impressed with Dominic Bogart’s impeccable range. He easily conveys Larry’s emotional turmoil with an effortless southern swagger as he navigates the messy world of gender identity in a nonconformist town. Meanwhile, Jiji Hise’s heartfelt and earnest portrayal of Lilly Willets will leave you absolutely touched every time she’s onscreen with Bogart. It’s so wholesome yet at the same time heartbreaking, really selling you on the “two lovers against the world” angle. And even though she doesn’t appear as often as the former two, Honey Lauren herself lives up to her name as Aunt Peggy and is nothing short of absolutely sweet and supportive of her nephew. Last but not least, I have to give Matt Bogart credit as Paul Benson. You can see how palpable his pain and fear are every time he looks at Larry. He and Peggy are almost two sides of the same coin. Both know that society is not ready for someone like Larry. But unlike Peggy, Paul prefers to bury Larry’s intersexuality rather than have him live with it.

I also want to take some time to discuss the movie’s costume department. We often see Larry wearing the stereotypical “bad boy” costume, consisting of a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt and blue jeans. This look was popularized by Marlon Brando and James Dean in films like The Wild One or Rebel with a Cause and is an allegory for their emotional states. The durable black leather is representative of their tough exterior, while the white t-shirt is actually an undershirt, which represents their deep-seated vulnerability. But unlike both Brando and Dean, who wear an asymmetrical biker jacket (Perfecto) in those films, Larry wears an A-2 bomber jacket. You can tell from the jacket’s knit cuffs and waist, along with its hidden collar snaps and rain flap. The A-2 bomber jacket has deep roots steeped in military heritage, specifically the Air Force. Why is he wearing an A-2 instead of the Perfecto? Not only does the A-2 have a less aggressive silhouette than the Perfecto, but it also reflects his failed desire to join the military.

There are many movies that touch on the sensitive and prevalent topic of gender dysphoria, identity, and self-discovery. However, most of these movies only address the issue on a surface level and fail to dive into the beautiful, complex, and often uncomfortable nitty-gritty details of gender dysphoria the same way Mistake does. Honey Lauren brings us a truly unique and intimate perspective in her first feature-length film that I have yet to see replicated anywhere else. Even for those who are not born intersex, Mistake teaches us to accept ourselves for who we really are, that there is no shame in deviating from society’s rigid social expectations. That none of us are a mistake in this beautiful, chaotic frenzy that is life itself.