Does Anyone Remember Ghost Lake (2004)?

Have you ever come across a movie in your childhood, but never got the chance to watch it? I’ve had my fair share of those (many that I’ve now reviewed here). And most of them happen to be horror movies. Believe it or not, I was absolutely terrified of horror movies as a kid. Hence why I didn’t watch this. But…maybe I should have. Because it certainly is one of the least scary horror movies I’ve ever seen. And that’s definitely saying something when movies like this exist.

Our film kicks off its epic adventure with…a funeral. We find out that the funeral is for our main lead’s (Rebecca Haster) parents, who died from a gas leak while she was out partying. Guilt-stricken, she returns to their old family cabin at Rushford Lake. On her way there, she nearly hits a man named Stan. Cue the internal groan. Despite being nearly hit, he’s surprisingly chill and even helps Rebecca settle in. While on a morning run the next day, she meets a little girl who gives awkward and vague responses before running off into the woods. Then she meets a charming young fisherman who angrily yells at her to get off his dock. And little does she know, the longer she stays at the cabin, the more she uncovers the lake’s dark history.

I don’t remember how old I was when I came across this movie, but I remember seeing it advertised in some obscure magazine at a Blockbuster. It was never released in theaters and went straight to video. But do you know what’s even funnier? I’ve never even came across a physical copy of the film! Hell, I struggled to find any trace of this movie’s existence (before it was put on Tubi) other than scant childhood memory. And I’d have to credit that with the film’s poster, which is easily its strongest aspect. Why? Look at it! Gruesome zombies rising out of a lake? That poster alone gave me nightmares as a kid. I still remember my dreams where I got pulled into a lake by one of those creepy zombies!

Now, onto the bad. And there’s so much to unpack here. Hell, I think there’s more crap to unpack here than in my entire basement! And there was 20 years’ worth of stuff down there. But let’s start with the acting. If I compared this movie to The Room and anything made by Neil Breen…I’d say all those other movies blow this one out of the water. No pun intended. You could feel the (somewhat) raw emotion behind Wiseau’s performance in The Room and Neil Breen gave…entertaining performances in all of his movies. But in Ghost Lake? I think I’ve seen better acting in my son’s school play. And I don’t even have a son! It’s safe to say that Tatum Adair as Rebecca is the most convincing actor. But that’s not exactly a high bar where everyone else gives a flatter line delivery than Rod from the Birdemic films. The acting is so wooden, you could build everyone a house in America!

Going off that tangent, Rebecca is supposed to be absolutely traumatized by her parents’ death. We see how she’s haunted by their ghosts in the first act. Yet, their ghostly presence is so comical that you’re left rolling your eyes at their corny dialogue and line delivery instead of being scared! Meanwhile, the convoluted plot leaves you scratching your head in confusion. If you asked me what was going on throughout the entire story, I would ask you in return “which other planet in the entire cosmos hosts organic life?” In other words, I have no idea. The first half is relatively easy to follow, but the film completely loses its identity in the second half. It goes from Rebecca learning to handle her guilt and trauma to unravelling an unnecessarily long mystery involving the lake’s undead victims. What should have been a 90 minute story is dragged out to almost two hours long. Don’t get me wrong, this could work if in the hands of a more capable filmmaker. But with what we got, I’m sorely disappointed.

Now let’s talk about the special effects. If your movie has worse blood splatters than Adobe Spark stock art, you have reached a new low in Special Effects Hell. This movie has a very distinct “made for TV” aura. And I mean that in the worst way possible. The green screen and CGI never mesh well with the actors or backgrounds. But at least the practical effects are good, right? Right?! Ha! Even when the film tries to go for practical effects, any attempt to make the film scary is nonexistent. The zombie makeup looks like it was applied by a preschooler (seriously, the zombies are just grey with heavy eye bags). Are these folks supposed to be undead or your average sleep deprived grad student? Even the music fails to invoke any sense of dread or fear. There’s no atmospheric tension like in The Conjuring or Insidious films. No sense of danger like in the Halloween franchise. Rather, we’re treated to a calm and relaxing woodwind sound. I’m sorry, am I watching a horror movie or an episode of Dawson’s Creek?

I can’t believe I spent countless nights scouring the internet to find this movie. Even if it wasn’t amazing, I never knew it could be THIS bad. This movie is probably the defining example of Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. From the acting, to the storytelling, to the effects. The only element that truly stands out is the poster. But having an attention-grabbing poster alone isn’t enough to warrant a good movie. I’m not lying when I say that every time I started this movie, I either turned it off due to boredom or fell asleep halfway through! At least I was able to make it through this travesty of an action movie in my second sitting. Should you watch this movie? If you have a tough time falling asleep, then this will certainly do the trick.

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